Why Are LDS Women So Cliquey?

I believe I have figured it out. While in casual conversation with non-LDS people, I often encounter discontent and disappointment with the less than amicable behavior on the part of LDS members toward non-members. The LDS gospel teaches its believers to show love, acceptance and forgiveness to all people, no matter the circumstance. Tolerance, friendship and fellowship are important key factors in this principle. However, when a group of LDS mothers gather at the park for the playdate they scheduled with each other at church the previous Sunday, they sit together, talk together and are often completely oblivious to the non-member mother sitting alone watching her own kids play. Often, the morning rolls on without a single invitation for conversation to the lone non-member mom. She may hear them talking and sharing experiences with each other, and wonder how they all know each other and why they don’t seem interested in her.

I don’t think the LDS women intentionally exclude the non-member mother. She is simply an unknown element in an otherwise familiar environment. It’s not that the LDS women consider themselves superior to the non-member mom, or think she’s not worthy of their time. The perceived impenetrable walls of this exclusive “clique” are, in reality, non-existent.

Think of it this way: Two strangers on a bus may sit the entire duration of the ride without saying one word to each other. When they get to their stop, they go their separate ways, still silent. It may not be that they dislike each other, or that they even have noticed one another at all. For most people, it is just difficult, awkward, and sometimes even uncomfortable to approach a stranger and strike up a conversation. It isn’t any different with an LDS woman. They have their circle of friends, and usually stick close to them because it’s comfortable… and it’s easy. Think about it. If an LDS woman is even remotely faithful, she will be attending church on Sunday. That’s one out of every seven days that she will encounter and associate with the same people. Friendships are almost hard to avoid attaining when a person spends that amount of time with the same group of people. Even if she’s not looking for it, she’s most likely going to find some kind of companionship in another member of her congregation. The LDS Relief Society also has at least one monthly activity for women to attend and socialize with each other, as well as frequent service and humanitarian projects.

With all those opportunities, it would be difficult not to find a friend or two. Being members of the same religion also makes it easier for an LDS woman to relate to another member woman. That being said, the reason why LDS women seem so cliquey is because it is simply easier for one member to befriend another because of all the opportunities the LDS church provides for social interaction. If only the Sunday church meetings were attended, 14% of the days in the year would have some kind of member-member interaction. How many days of the year do you spend more than 15 minutes at a time with someone other than family? Not to excuse LDS women’s reclusive comfort of familiarity, but human nature is to do what is easiest. Sometimes we all, including LDS women, just need to step outside our comfort zone and welcome a stranger.