I sometimes wonder why people say the things they say. Often people say completely unnecessary and seemingly aimless remarks at entirely improper occasions. For instance, when a woman phones her husband from the side of the road and says that something has happened with the car, the husband may retort with something similar to, "You didn't get in an accident, did you?" Why? Because if she did, she's sure "gonna get it?" What grand purpose does that satiric inquiry serve? Most probably, the man did not pause to consider the effects of such an accusing and minatory remark on his fretting wife already in an exingent state. It is neither propitious nor profitable.
In another illustration, when a woman has just given birth, her friend or relative who visits the pair at the hospital may ingenuously enounce that the woman "had it easy" or was "lucky" to have such a quick labor. Again, pointless, and possibly even slightly condescending. It accomplishes nothing other than to discredit the brand new mother's barely concluded birthing experience. Even the fastest deliveries are never "quick" nor "easy."
Sometimes the simplest inadvertent expressions can sometimes inflict long term damage to even the strongest relationship. Take the husband who spends hours scouring his wife's favorite store for the perfect birthday gift. He desperately searches and thoroughly examines and analyzes each option to find something she will genuinely appreciate and feel special for receiving. He finally decides on something he feels will exemplify his love and affection for her only to hear her insensitively declare after opening it, "This isn't for me. You got this for you." She doesn't even notice his despair in realizing his efforts were in vain. He then silently resolves never to spend so much time and energy on a gift for her again. She may not have meant to devalue his heartfelt attempt at honoring her special day, but what good is a comment like that in any receptive environment?
The world would be a considerably more fortunate place if people would consider the effects of their words and actions on other people. The timeless chastisement by mothers through the ages is not just a manipulation to forcibly obtain desired results. We really should all contemplate how we might feel if someone said it to us.
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2 comments:
Hey I agree. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, it is very important to think before you talk. I hate making people feel bad and especially Brian. If he had spent time looking for a gift for me and I shot him down with a sarcastic remark, I would be devistated. I do not like that feeling when I feel it, I would never want to cause someone else to have that same feeling.
Love the thoughts! Your writings are so fun to read! Hopefully we can all be a little more aware of what we are saying!
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