Prejudice

Contrary to popular belief, the word 'prejudice' has little to do with race. Nor is it entirely negative by definition. According to Dictionary.com, prejudice is defined as, "an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason." Alternately, it is also described as "any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable." As one can extract from the definition, prejudice can also be a positive preconceived notion. Unfortunately, most people only act on their negative prejudices, and leave their positive ones to be dismissed as pleasant cerebrations. Additionally, most people do not recognize their positive prejudices as such. To many, those thoughts are simply considered "thoughts." When I witness someone lashing out as an effect of their negative prejudices, I often have cause to laugh at their ignorance.

As an example of this humorous induction, please indulge me as I recount:

This morning, while I was supervising my children playing outside, Alex and Lucas were standing approximately 20 yards from each other, right at the convergence of the sidewalk and street. They know not to actually stray out into the street, although sometimes it's difficult to keep them from doing so. As they were standing there, a car began its descent down the hill across from our house. As it turned the corner directly in front of us, it cautiously slowed down until it had passed the point where there was danger of the boys running out into the street. I applaud the driver for his or her courteousy. As this was happening, I was sitting in a chair by the steps to our front door. I stayed seated while the car passed. A short distance behind the first car, came a second. They also slowed down until they passed the boys, but at the last minute, before they drove away, one of the occupants abhorrently shouted, "Get up!"

Why would this be humorous, you ask? Well, from their vantage, there's little possibility that they could have seen tiny Audrey teetering on the bottom step of our concrete walkway. I had my arm stretched out holding her back so she wouldn't tumble down and crack her head on the cement. I chose to trust that the boys would not run in the street, and that the cars would slow down more than I trusted that Audrey would not fall. If I had decided to get up and walk, or even run, over to where the boys were, there wouldn't have been time for me to put Audrey out of harm's way, race over to one boy, then the other, to pull them back from the street before both cars had the opportunity to pass. As I was sitting there holding Audrey up, I warned the boys that there were cars coming and to stay out of the street. All of these were examples of the "knowledge, thought or reason" that the person who made the remark was not privy to before they preconceived their judgment of me being a horrible mother who would stay seated while she carelessly let her children play in the street in the peril of an oncoming car.

Another example of a prejudice reaction would be that of the perfectly and appropriately vigilant female driver in the Target parking lot. I was walking to the car last summer with the boys in the cart, Audrey in my belly and Sarah following along behind me. As we crossed into the aisle where our car was parked, an SUV started making it's way down the aisle behind the oblivious little Sarah. I turned my head to warn her to get out of the street, and an onlooker helped encourage her over to the side by the parked cars so that the SUV could get through. The driver of the SUV kindly stopped and waited until Sarah was out of the street, then continued cautiously down to find a parking space. As she passed, a teenaged boy who had witnessed the incident immaturely shouted, "Learn how to drive!" He then turned and snickered with his teenaged female companion. The driver of the car must have assumed that I had shouted the inappropriate comment because as she walked past me toward the store while I was loading my family into the car she stared me down and muttered, "Some people need to learn how to control their kids!" I wasn't even sure who she was at this point, so I said, "Excuse me?" She retorted, "You tell me I need to learn how to drive. Well you need to learn how to control your kids!" I chuckled as I said, "I'm not even the one that said that." She looked away and kept walking.

This was funny to me because before she heard the chiding from the teenager, assumed it was me and retaliated by making her own equally inappropriate and vindictive remark, I was thinking to myself that I appreciated her carefulness while she was making certain not to hit any unsuspecting pedestrians (like Sarah) while she was in the parking lot. Many people are not that considerate.

Just as there are inappropriate and negative prejudices, there are also positive ones. I am guilty of that as recently as a few weeks ago. I logged onto my brother's myspace account and saw a picture of him with a girl at a ballgame. I commented to him and asked if she was the girlfriend he'd told me about. He informed me that she indeed was, and I commented back that I was excited for him. When he expressed confusion by my delight and inquired about the cause, I told him that she "looks like a nice girl." Being that I have never actually met her, there's no possible way that I could truly know whether she is nice or not. I preconceived a judgement based solely on the way she looked and possibly influenced by what I had heard from my brother. However, I wouldn't consider my prejudice in this instance a negative one.

Prejudice can be a good, positive thing, but more commonly it is negative, unproductive and useless. Going back to a previous post, we really should all watch what we say and do because we can never know what truly motivates other people.

By Nature, Can't Do Wrong...

Yeah, right.  I have heard time and time again that animals are inherently good, and do not have the propensity to do wrong.  Says who?  What scientist learned to speak "animal" and asked them?  I like to think that animals, and especially domestic ones, are more like children.  They are very forgiving, loyal, caring and usually unconditionally loving creatures.  They have the aptitude to learn rules and boundaries set by their "master," carry out simple commands and show obedience and submission.  However, I do not now, nor will I ever, believe that they naturally cannot do wrong.  If that were true, how would you explain my dog, Cosmoe?  Just a few examples, evidence even, that animals are truly capable and willing to do wrong (I'm not going to get into why we have the rules we have here.  If you want an explanation for any of them, I would be happy to expound later.):

A rule in our home is that Cosmoe does not eat people food.  He eats dog food.  When the kids are eating at the table, Cosmoe is sent outside or in his house until they are finished and the "scraps" are cleared from the floor.  Since we got him,  he has always been scolded and punished for breaking that rule.  Now, anytime we leave the room and spy on him, we see him frantically scavenging around for the scraps that might not have been swept up.  When he thinks we aren't looking, he'll even try to "clean" up the kiddie tables real quick-like before we come back in the room.

Another rule is that Cosmoe is not allowed on our carpet.  He stays on hard surfaces.  (This rule was kind of an accident.)  However, especially if we are outside and the door is open, we can see him inching his way across the carpet, sniffing around looking for something to play with, and sometimes just wanting to come outside.  The other day, he actually snuck up to the front door, then darted out and started running around in circles in the front yard.  He was having a blast, but he wasn't supposed to get out that way, and he knew it.

Cosmoe is also not supposed to chew on the kids' toys or other things.  He has his own chew and other doggie toys.  But, when he thinks no one is around, he wastes no time chewing up a stray toy left on the kitchen floor or small tables.  He wouldn't dare touch them when someone is in the room.  But all by himself, he likes to make mischief.  He even got a little baggie of stamps out of a craft box we keep on the floor under a chair in the kitchen (because there's no other place for it right now) and chewed them all up.  They were Halloween stamps, so he had black and orange ink all over his mouth and front feet after that one.   Now, we know he knew better for that.  He actually had to dig them out of the box to chew on them!

There are other examples, but I think that proves my point.  There is no way that he is naturally good and won't do wrong.  I believe pets (and other animals) are more like children.  They also have their free agency and can choose whether to do something they know they shouldn't or stay out of trouble.  And Cosmoe is not the only dog that I've seen secretly disobey.  Our dog Sadie used to jump up and sleep or lounge on the couch when no one was home.  We would come home and see her jump off when she heard the car drive up or the garage door open to avoid getting in trouble for it.  And she was a very good dog.  I guess we all... including animals... have our vices.

Simplicity

This post was on my other blog, but it really should be here. So here it is. Sorry if you've read it already.

Have you ever tried explaining some of the things we "grown ups" call routine? Breaking our every day tasks down in simple steps as explanation and clarification to an almost four year old really makes me think about why we do the things we do. On Saturday we had some landscapers weeding and mowing our back yard. Just the sight of someone cutting the grass got Sarah pretty upset. She very despondently informed me that she liked playing in the grass, and if those guys cut it, she wouldn't have any grass to play in. I reassured her that there would still be grass left to play in, and that it would just be shorter. She then stated that she did not want it to be short. She wanted it to be "long forever." I then told her that we can't let it grow too long because we don't own this house and if the grass is too long, we'll get in trouble with the landlord. At the same time the mowers were working, our neighbor was out watering his back lawn. Sarah asked why he was doing it. I told her that he was putting water on the grass to help it grow. She then apprehensively, yet firmly, stated that she didn't want the grass to grow because we might get in trouble!

As I was having this conversation with Sarah, I realized that it really is kind of silly that we feed and water and cultivate our lawns one week to promote healthy growth, only to cut it down and start the process all over again the next week. Ahh... the price we pay for enjoying our comfortable lifestyles.

Here are some other examples of my seemingly ineffectual routines:

Sweeping the kitchen floor. At least it is for me. I'll do it, and within 5 minutes there will be some other crumbs or dirt so lovingly placed there by one of my four children. They must like to see me use the broom.

Getting Alex, Lucas, or Audrey dressed... at all. As soon as I do, someone spits up, leaks out, spills, slobbers or wipes something on their nice clean outfit. If I never got them dressed, it would sure save a lot of laundry!

Even attempting to style Sarah's hair. I put a ponytail in for church Sunday. Before primary even started, she had taken it out and put the flower ponytail ring on her wrist to wear as a bracelet! Now, these little flower hair accessories were only purchased upon the solemn promise that Sarah was to let me put her hair in ponytails if I bought them. Well... I guess she held up her end of the bargain! I never did say that she had to leave it in. Just let me put it up.

Vacuuming the floor. Same reason as sweeping.

Folding clothes. Even Jeff does not fully appreciate a nicely folded shirt. Everything gets stuffed sloppily in dresser drawers or on shelves in closets. The kids like to pull everything off and pile it all up to play in like a pile of leaves. Sarah even likes to climb up on the linen closet shelves and push everything off. No blankets, towels, sheets, washcloths or tablecloths are safe if they are less than 5 feet high.

Doing dishes. I can load up the dishwasher and clean out the sinks and counters so my face shines in them. But why? Within an hour, the sink is full again of cups, glasses, silverware, small plates and leftover snacks.

Showering. Yes, this sounds a little gross, but after I shower, I can guarantee there will be spitup, pee, poop or some other disgusting bodily function or slimy, goopy, sticky hands dirtying my clothes, skin and hair. Yet, I still do it daily...

Washing the sliding glass door. We have a wonderful view here, but it is always inhibited by tiny little mucky handprints. Oh, and streaks of slime where Cosmoe likes to lick the window. Why in the world is that even in the least bit satisfying for him?

There are tons more, I'm sure. But this post is long enough. This is my monotonous, ineffectual, yet somehow still fulfilling life!

Meaningless Articulation

I sometimes wonder why people say the things they say. Often people say completely unnecessary and seemingly aimless remarks at entirely improper occasions. For instance, when a woman phones her husband from the side of the road and says that something has happened with the car, the husband may retort with something similar to, "You didn't get in an accident, did you?" Why? Because if she did, she's sure "gonna get it?" What grand purpose does that satiric inquiry serve? Most probably, the man did not pause to consider the effects of such an accusing and minatory remark on his fretting wife already in an exingent state. It is neither propitious nor profitable.

In another illustration, when a woman has just given birth, her friend or relative who visits the pair at the hospital may ingenuously enounce that the woman "had it easy" or was "lucky" to have such a quick labor. Again, pointless, and possibly even slightly condescending. It accomplishes nothing other than to discredit the brand new mother's barely concluded birthing experience. Even the fastest deliveries are never "quick" nor "easy."

Sometimes the simplest inadvertent expressions can sometimes inflict long term damage to even the strongest relationship. Take the husband who spends hours scouring his wife's favorite store for the perfect birthday gift. He desperately searches and thoroughly examines and analyzes each option to find something she will genuinely appreciate and feel special for receiving. He finally decides on something he feels will exemplify his love and affection for her only to hear her insensitively declare after opening it, "This isn't for me. You got this for you." She doesn't even notice his despair in realizing his efforts were in vain. He then silently resolves never to spend so much time and energy on a gift for her again. She may not have meant to devalue his heartfelt attempt at honoring her special day, but what good is a comment like that in any receptive environment?

The world would be a considerably more fortunate place if people would consider the effects of their words and actions on other people. The timeless chastisement by mothers through the ages is not just a manipulation to forcibly obtain desired results. We really should all contemplate how we might feel if someone said it to us.

New Blog

This is my new blog for all the anylitical mumbo jumbo I think about every day but don't want to bore people who are looking for pictures and news of my family with on our other blog. Welcome. I hope everyone who frequents this site will enjoy my rantings.